“Welcome to the world behind [her]
eyes.” - Rotersand
This past Saturday, I took part in an
experiential art piece. I met someone, fell in love, and lost her.
All in the space of five hours. And I never knew her name.
“Typical one night stand? ”
No, not quite. It wasn't just about
physical attraction. Or mindless, no-consequences rutting. Nor was
it about 'another notch in my belt.'
Nor was I deluded somehow as to what
was going on. I knew from the very beginning that she was leaving,
just as she knew. Neither of us was under the misapprehension that
we were beginning something that would last longer than the
moonlight.
Indeed, it was a celebration of the
transitory nature of reality. A penetration of the illusion of permanence. We met, knew one another, and parted ways in a way with
no preconceptions of 'forever'.
All too often, we become preoccupied
with the future. We assume the choices we make will create some sort
of permanent change, and we feel as though we have to accept those
consequences. We assume that we will be irrevocably changing state
(and, in a way, we are, of course). “I can't have you in my life
right now.” “What does this mean?” “Where are we going?”
“Will I get hurt?”
“Will I get hurt?” Yes, it was
bittersweet to see her leave. Yes, in a way, I will always love her.
But pain is not to be afraid of. Losing is not the end of
everything. We will both go on. Cats learn to always fall on their
feet; as a consequence, they are fearless about walking a precarious
path in high places. Sometimes, as Shinto teaches, losing and the
passing away of the present is beautiful.
“Welcome to a land that knows
goodbye.” - Rotersand
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